Sixteen Steps to Building a Campfire... 1.Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2.Bandage left thumb. 3.Chop other fragments into smaller fragments. 4.Bandage left foot. 5.Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6.Light Match 7.Light Match 8.Repeat "a Scout is cheerful"and light match. 9.Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10.Apply burn ointment to nose. 11.When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12.Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13.Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14.Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15.When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16.When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.
How to cross a river... One day three men were hiking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. He looked at the map, then walked across the bridge.
Jackalopes are real ! I snapped a picture of this guy just outside of Kamloops B.C. They move very fast and go for the shins . They have NO known natural predators except man .Just be thankful they don't travel in packs "The Truth is out There"....waiting !
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me", he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out for blood. "Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good!" said the first bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't"!!
Ever wonder why your beer goes empty so fast ? Dear Mom Our scoutmaster told us all write our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us drowned because we were up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see are logging trucks. This morning all the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about us not wearing our lifejackets. Guess what? We've all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it was probably food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way from the food in prison. I'm glad he got out of there and became our scoutmaster. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Colin PS... How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot? |